Take A Breath
by mAu0103
Summary: One Shot - 7x22 extension/missing scene right after Nathan pulls Haley out of the pool


Disclaimer; I do not own anything.

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**Take A Breath**

Nathan walked with careful steps into the bathroom suite, the thick, moist air surrounding him in an instant as he did. His heart was thumping loudly in his ears while his chest ached more and more with every single beat. He halted for a second as he took in the sight of her standing in front of the mirror, rooted to the exact same spot where he'd left her minutes priorly to put on a fresh set of clothes after the hot shower he'd taken with her. He remembered her clinging on to him like her life depended on it ever since he had pulled her out of the pool. He could still feel the small traces of need and desperation hiding behind the firm grasps of her hands as she hadn't let go of him, not even once, up until a few minutes ago.

The large towel was still wrapped around her body as she hugged herself tightly. Her wet hair was pulled up in a messy bun, not even bothering to have blow-dried it, and her head hung low.

He tried to make out her face in the mirror, but the condensation on it made her tiny frame too cloudy for him to see. It was like the blurred image made an accurate description of what he was feeling and thinking right now. He couldn't pin down a single thought as they all fired through his head at the same time. He was pretty much all over the place.

He sighed silently to himself and walked hesitantly towards his broken wife.

How had he not seen this coming? There were so many signs that he should've recognized, but he'd honestly thought that the therapist she was going to was starting to help. He was sure he could've prevented this from happening if only he'd been more observant and attentive towards Haley and her behavior. He should've known with the way she distanced herself from both him and Jamie.

He closed his eyes briefly as he came to stand behind her. He'd let her down when she needed him the most and he couldn't help but feel like the worst husband on the planet right now.

He shook his head softly and let out another silent sigh before he reached out and placed his hands carefully on top of her bare shoulders, caressing her soft skin with his fingers.

"How are you feeling, baby?" He asked carefully, and gently rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

Haley immediately closed her eyes when she felt his hands on her shoulders. It felt good and safe. Her mind was still hazy from everything that had happened over the last few hours - or basically ever since her mom passed away. But the things that had happened tonight had somehow made something inside of her change. Or it had made her want to change. She was still very much under the water, fighting hard to be able to pull out. But the surface was there. She felt like it was within reach, which gave her a tiny glimpse of hope.

She could barley make out the words, but she could hear the pain that clouded his voice. She wanted to say something, anything that could ease him even if it was only for a second. But nothing came. It was like she was empty, in which was actually true, except for the numb pain she'd been walking around with ever since her -

She swallowed the lump in the back of her throat as she tried to block it out of her head.

She knew she had to try. She needed to try for her own well being, and more importantly, for the man standing behind her right now, desperately trying to reach through the several layered wall that had built around her without her even realizing it. But she saw it now. What it did to her and to Nathan. She had to start fighting back so she could remove it all together. She wanted him there with her. That's what she had realized when she was under the water, right before he came and pulled her out. She needed him, like she always had. But the excruciating numbness she felt within herself continuously kept pulling her back, and eventually, it was easier to just give in.

"Hales…" Nathan whispered softly and pulled her into his chest and locked his arms protectively around her torso. He kept his gaze at her through the mirror, as the condensation slowly started to disappear. When she finally fluttered her eyes open, he moved his fingers under her chin and tilted her head back up so that he could meet her gaze. "Please talk to me." He added when she eventually connected her eyes with his.

Haley breathed in deeply when she met his eyes. She could see how scared and worried he was, his eyes were like an open window to her, they were wide open, and they always had been. She knew he couldn't read her eyes right now, as somewhere down the road, she had managed to shut out everything and everyone, including Nathan.

She leaned further back into his body and felt his heart beats pounding against her back. It was like a soft hammer tapping at the wall in order to break through to her. She tried to hold on to it and allow it to enter her, so she could feel something, just anything. And she'd almost let it scrape through the last layer of the wall, and finally let him in, before another wave of painful emptiness fired up inside of her, and the wall was once again closed.

"I just…" She tried to find the words that he wanted to hear, but no matter what, they just didn't seem to come. It was like they weren't even there. "…I want to, Nathan, but I can't." She forced herself to hold his gaze, even though she wanted to look away.

It truly hurt to see her like this. He knew she was trying, but somehow it didn't seem to be enough. If only there was something he could do to help her out of this. He was afraid that maybe it was because of him, that he made her like this, because he'd always needed her too much. And now her world had crashed around her. Because of him?

Pain pierced his heart like a thousand razor blades by the thought, and he had to clench his eyes shut for a second to compose himself.

"Did you, uh…" He wanted to ask her, but couldn't make himself to say the words out loud. "Do you want to tell me what happened tonight?"

"Nathan…" His name came out in a whisper.

He felt like he was walking around in the dark, blindfolded, but he had to push her a little while he felt she was actually here with him. "I mean, if I hadn't found you and pulled you out…"

The vulnerable insecurity in his voice cut through her skin and finally ignited something inside of her. She closed her eyes as they filled with tears, before she turned around in his arms. She slowly raised her gaze and met his eyes, that was filled with so much pain and fright, hiding behind a thin sheet of tears threatening to spill out.

She shook her head softly and forced out an almost inaudible "No". She wasn't even sure if he'd heard her, so she raised her hand to his face and cupped his cheek to get his attention.

"No, I never -" Tears spilled out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks as her voice broke.

Nathan cupped her hand that rested on his cheek and nuzzled her palm with his lips before he kissed it softly. "I need you to fight this, Hales. Even though you can't see it right now, I know there are still so many good days ahead of you, of us. And you know that I'm here for you, every step of the way. Just remember, that there's still so much we haven't seen or done. Please don't give up." He choked up, still holding her hand against the side of his face.

Nathan moved his hands to her face and cupped her cheeks gently as he locked her gaze. "I can't lose you." He added in a whisper as a silent tear slowly rolled down his cheek.

Haley felt her heart constrict in her chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. How had she not seen what this had done to Nathan? She'd been completely lost and disconnected the second she'd entered into the darkness, that she hadn't even thought about what all of this might do to the people she loved. She knew it was somehow out of her control, and impossible to prevent it from happening once it had started. But even if it was unintentional, how could she have been so selfish and let it get so far? She didn't really understand any of it herself, so of course Nathan must be just as lost as her, if not even more.

"I don't want to be like this, it's just…there. I can't really explain it to you, because I don't understand it myself. But tonight changed something inside of me. I know it's probably something you don't want to hear, but jumping into the water actually made me see what was right in front of me. What has always been there. And it made me want to feel again."

"I still don't understand why you had to -" He paused and raked his hand through his hair in frustration. "Why couldn't you have figured that out without trying to…?" It was impossible for him to say the words out loud. There was no way that he could ever complete a sentence like that.

He started shaking uncontrollably as an uneasiness crawled throughout his entire body. But he managed to suppress it slightly when he felt Haley's fingers graze the skin of his chin. Her soft signature touch always had a way to make him at ease.

"I didn't do this because I wanted to - " She paused and closed her eyes. It was too painful to say the words, even though that thought had never entered her mind. "I could never do that, Nathan, I need you to know that!" She reached out her hands and started to play with the fabric of his white t-shirt resting at his pounding chest. She looked back up into his eyes before she continued talking.

"There's a darkness inside of me now that I can't seem to control…I don't know…I just…can't feel anything." She kept focusing on finding the words to explain it all, but it was difficult. She knew that no matter what she said, he still wouldn't be able to understand her completely, especially when she didn't understand it herself. "It's nothing but numbness…and emptiness…" She diverted her gaze away from his and bit down on her lip.

Nathan could still feel her hands fiddling with his shirt as she moved her gaze away from his. He could feel that she was about to slip away from him again, and quickly took a hold of her hands and squeezed them lightly.

"I know this is hard, baby, but it's difficult for me too. I have no idea what I'm doing, or even what I should do to help you, cause dammit, I want to help you!" His voice raised unintentionally at the end, as he felt himself starting to feel frustrated. Not because of Haley, but because he had absolutely no idea of what he was supposed to do. He felt absolutely powerless right now, and that terrified him more than anything.

He reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and let his fingers linger on her soft, warm skin, while his other hand held her hand close to his chest. "Please help me understand this, Haley. It hurt me to see you like this." He spoke softly after taking a few deep breaths to calm his inner turmoil.

"I wish I could tell you exactly why I chose to jump into the pool tonight, but I can't. All I know is that I wanted to feel something again." Her eyes were still fixed on the floor. She couldn't make herself to look back into his eyes, cause the short connection she'd felt a few seconds ago was now gone. She was back to feeling nothing. "But…" She had to pause in order to control her breathing. "…I saw flashes. Of you…our life together…" She closed her eyes and tried to search for the tiniest spark of a feeling, but it was futile. There was nothing there. "It made me want to feel again." She opened her eyes and forced herself to meet his gaze once again. "_You're _the one that made me want to reach the surface and take a breath… to be able to feel again…" Her voice was weak and almost inaudible at the end, and Nathan could see that she wanted more than anything to hold on to whatever emotion she could find, but her eyes were empty.

He swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of his throat, before he pulled her into his chest with his arms securely around her. He realized that there was nothing he could do at this very moment, other than being here with her. And with everything she'd been through tonight, he figured she could probably benefit more from a little sleep instead of forcing her to talk more about it. He didn't want to push her any further into the wrong direction, now that she seemed to have reached some sort of a turning point. And even though he was still worried about the way she managed to reach this point, he was also relieved that she did. It was still going to take time, but this was the start of the right pathway back to where she truly belonged. Of course he knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he was determined to be there for her, every single step of the way.

After a few moments of silence, Nathan placed a kiss at the top of her head and untangled his arms from around her and took a hold of her hand. "Come on, I think sleep would do us both some good." He spoke softly and started walking them into the bedroom.

Haley gently nodded her head and followed his lead in silence. As they got into the bedroom, Nathan placed her down at the edge of the bed before he walked over to her dresser and found a pair of her sleeping shorts and a tank top. He then held out his hand for her to take once he was standing in front of her again, and helped her back up on her feet. He placed the clothes on top of the comforter at the bed next to her while watching her intently. She seemed to be completely void of emotions where she was standing, and didn't seem to be present at all, so he lifted her chin with his index finger to look into her eyes.

He softly grazed his knuckles across the skin of her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. "You're going to get through this, Hales, I know you will. Whatever it takes, I'll be right here by your side. I'm not going anywhere." His voice was low while he searched her face for any kind of respond.

He continued to watch her and give her time to absorb his words, but after another minute of silence and empty stares, he let his hand fall from her face as he inwardly sighed to himself.

Not even his words and soft touches managed to evoke anything inside of her. She tried, she really did, but no matter what he said or did, she still felt dead inside. She felt like she was sinking once again and sucked in a sharp breath of air when she lost the sensation of his hand against her skin. Internally, she was screaming at herself, trying to fight away the ever so slowly rising water, that was pulling her back into the darkness.

What was she supposed to do? It seemed so easy to simply surrender to the dark, cold place, but deep down, she knew there was a real chance for her to keep her head above the surface and crawl out of it completely. She only had to start fight back for real. She was tired and exhausted of everything, and more importantly, of feeling nothing. That was the part that exhausted her the most.

She could hear Nathan's distant voice as he tried talking to her, but the words didn't register with her as all she could hear was her own screaming voice.

Haley still hadn't said anything, and when Nathan started to kneel down in front of her to help her put on the sleeping shorts, he felt her hand on his shoulder, which halted his movements. He slowly turned his head and found her eyes resting at his. Her lip was tucked in between her teeth as her hand slid down his shoulder and chest, before she stopped at the hem of his shirt.

He was about to open his mouth to ask if she was okay, when she beat him to it.

"Make love to me, Nathan." She whispered in a steady voice.

Nathan furrowed his eyebrows as he was slightly taken aback by her words. He searched her face for any doubt or insecurity, but it seemed like she knew what she was asking of him.

"Hales…" He started out softly and cupped her cheek. "You've been through a lot tonight. You're probably confused about everything right now, and I can't take - "

"Please." She cut him off and started to tug on his shirt, her eyes burning into his.

Nathan clenched his eyes shut when he felt her fingertips graze the skin of his stomach, as she slowly moved her hands back up his torso. He could already feel his head starting to spin with the feeling of her touching him like that. It had been too long, and he'd missed her. But still, there was a voice of doubt in the back of his head, telling him that this was not the right way to do this, or was it? He felt like he would take advantage of her if he let himself go, and he wasn't sure how this would affect her. Would she finally snap out of it? Or would it only make it worse?

But then again, what if this was what she wanted, or needed? Then he would be wrong to say no, wouldn't he? Especially since he'd, mere seconds ago, told her that he'd be by her side no matter what it would take…

His mind was at a conflict when he suddenly felt his t-shirt being lifted off of him. He opened his eyes and watched his t-shirt slide down his arm and land in a heap on the floor as he let his hand fall from her face. He slowly raised his gaze back at her and felt his breath got caught in the back of his throat by the slight change in her eyes. The previous empty look was now exchanged with a mixture of frustration and what he could only identify as a desperate need. It was like she was at the end of the ropes, and she was trying to hold on to her last hope - him.

She locked his gaze as she let the towel drop to the floor around her ankles. She was now completely exposed to him, and it was like she was silently telling him that this was the moment she opened her gates in an effort to finally let him in. This was the moment when she was ready to start tearing down the walls to bring the light back into her soul. And he knew that he was the one she needed, just like she was always the one he needed. Always and forever.

Nathan took a small step forward, as he let go of his inner battle, and tilted her head up with his index finger under her chin. He leaned his forehead against hers and heard her suck in a small breath of air as he did. He let his fingers trace the lining of her jaw before he cupped her cheek tenderly.

"Whatever it takes." He whispered before he lifted her in his arms and placed her gently down on the bed.

He hovered above her, resting on his hand which was placed right next to her head, while he pushed down his sweatpants and boxers with his other hand, before he kicked them to the floor. He pushed himself up a little and settled on top of her, careful not to lean his entire weight on her.

He continued to gaze into her eyes while he ran his fingers down the soft skin of her shoulder and arm, as he was trying to catch any signs of hesitation or regret in her eyes.

Haley felt the familiar sensation of his warm skin against hers as the weight of his body pressed her into the mattress. Yet somehow, it felt new to her in a way that it provoked something inside of her she hadn't felt in a long time. She couldn't really pinpoint the exact feeling, but she knew that if there was anything or anyone that could start the process of pulling her out of this, it was Nathan.

She had been at the very end of hope when suddenly, the tiniest voice in the back of her head, had told her that everything she ever needed was the man standing right in front of her. He had, in a miraculously way, managed to break through to her, without her even realizing it, and she knew right at that moment that she had to grasp onto whatever that feeling was, and let him in completely. The voice was screaming at her, telling her that he was her hope. Her light.

She knew he was still having doubts, and she couldn't blame him. She had doubts too, but as the seconds passed, the little voice grew stronger and stronger, like it was reaching deep into her to help her pull herself out of the dark hole. She still felt heavy, but she understood that she simply had to jump in order to get her life back on track.

Haley reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder before she moved it to the back of his head, raking her fingers softly through his thick hair. "Kiss me." The words left her almost in an inaudible breath, as Nathan's hand came in contact with the underside of her ribs, hitting a sensitive spot.

Nathan moved his hand down to her waist and rested it there, as he slowly leaned in. He halted for a second, mere inches away from her lips, feeling her hot breath mingle with his own. His gaze moved to her lips, and when he saw her lips part slightly, he finally gave in and moved the last inch.

The kiss was slow and gentle, like they were both testing out a new territory. Yet, they could both feel the gravity of emotions that was finally pouring out, which only pulled them further into the place they both knew so well. The place where they were the only ones that existed.

Tears sprung into Haley's eyes when he finally entered her. She locked her legs tightly around his waist and dug her nails into his skin as he moved slowly, desperately clinging on to the seed of light he brought out in her.

Once their eyes met again, Haley let go of the tears she'd been trying to hold back, when she felt the large, heavy doors of the gate was about to open up completely.

"I'm right here." Nathan whispered hoarsly and hovered his lips along her cheek where the tears continued to roll down slowly.

The next second, Haley arched her body into Nathan's and cried out by the sound of his whispering words as she let herself go. And for the first time, in what felt like forever, she was finally able to surrender her body, her heart, and her soul to Nathan again. Nothing was holding her back. She gently raked her nails across the skin of his back when he finally followed her into the high of pleasure and placed a wet kiss on the side of his neck.

After a while, Nathan lifted his head off of her shoulder, as he was finally catching his breath again. He was about to move off of Haley and roll onto his side, when she locked her hands around his neck. "Please stay here with me." She pleaded, afraid of losing the feeling of closeness she had right now, if he did move.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He said and kissed her lips softly, while he took a hold around her torso and rolled them over so he was now on his back and she was halfway draped over him. He then found the bed sheets and pulled them out from underneath them, before he covered both of their bodies with it.

Haley settled herself into his body and placed her head on his chest right above his heart. The sound of Nathan's steady heart beats and the feeling of his fingertips dancing across the skin of her back, was slowly pulling her spent body towards sleep. She tried to fight it by drawing imaginary circles with her fingers at his chest, but she knew it was a losing battle.

"I'm afraid to fall asleep." She confessed in a whisper into his chest.

"Don't be. I'll be here when you wake up." He squeezed her body into his and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm afraid that this, right now, is only temporary, that I'm not going to be _me_ when I wake up tomorrow…I'm tired of being this way, Nathan." She sighed, the exhaustion was evident in her voice.

"I know you are, baby." He felt his heart sink, and placed a soft kiss at her forehead. "But we'll take this one step at the time, and don't forget, I'm _always_ here for you, Hales." He moved his finger under her chin and tilted her head so that he could look into her eyes. "I love you." He allowed the words to fully absorb before he leaned down and placed a tender, lingering kiss on her lips.

He smiled at her as he pulled back, and settled her back into his chest with his arm protectively around her. He snuggled his cheek into her hair and closed his eyes, content with the feeling of the gentle touch of her fingers against his skin. And even if this was only for tonight, he'd still seen it in her eyes; there was no way to mistake that familiar spark of determination he'd seen countless times before. It was going to take time, but his wife was finally back on the right track, and he knew she would find her way back to them eventually, no matter what.

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**AN**; Happy OTH day to all of you wonderful members of the OTH family!

By the way, a small side note about the last part of this OS; I actually have/had something in mind for that part. I'm not gonna say it out loud, and maybe some of you already understood where I was going with this, but as a hint for those of you who didn't; "fast forward" to the very end of episode 7x22...then I'm sure you get it.

Thank you for reading another one of my one shots. Your feedback is what keeps me going, so thank you! It's truly appreciated!


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